Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
