do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
