Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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