Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
