You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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