I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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