everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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