i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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