Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
