I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
