yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
