So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
