Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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