I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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