I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
