if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
