i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
