I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
