dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
