oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
