Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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