It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
