So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
