Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
