when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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