Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
