she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
