Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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