you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
