Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
