We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
