I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
