This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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