There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
