apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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