Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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