I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
