I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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