Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I smell stomach acid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
