We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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