I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
