I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
