He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
