I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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