Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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