It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
