there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
