yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.