She is in my trunk
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I checked into jail on foursquare
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year