I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
