Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?

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(805): i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right? http://tfl.nu/zs4y

Replies (39) Good night (3112) Bad night (830)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.

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(612): a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest. http://tfl.nu/dtsn

Replies (40) Good night (3761) Bad night (839)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

I respect that

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(508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis

Replies (53) Good night (9804) Bad night (1045)
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(812): View more from Indiana

The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

(317): View more from Indiana

Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

(812): View more from Indiana

Ah, my reputation precedes me.

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(812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p

Replies (25) Good night (1675) Bad night (4441)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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(484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1

Replies (47) Good night (4744) Bad night (1605)
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(303): View more from Colorado

You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

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(303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi

Replies (11) Good night (4326) Bad night (1454)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

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(610): Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can http://tfl.nu/8h8s

Replies (17) Good night (6195) Bad night (883)
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(562): View more from California

Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.

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(562): Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup. http://tfl.nu/ksxk

Replies (10) Good night (2563) Bad night (776)
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(305): View more from Florida

Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.

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(305): Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her. http://tfl.nu/ismz

Replies (19) Good night (2147) Bad night (562)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

(817): View more from Texas

I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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(270): The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys. (817): I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot http://tfl.nu/5unc

Replies (2) Good night (1367) Bad night (663)
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(585): View more from New York

Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.

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(585): Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle. http://tfl.nu/a803

Replies (2) Good night (909) Bad night (455)
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(310): View more from California

She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL

(310): View more from California

so no, not her best night

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(310): She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL (310): so no, not her best night http://tfl.nu/htxy

Replies (6) Good night (705) Bad night (1929)
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(705): View more from Ontario

how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink

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(705): how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink http://tfl.nu/hb4c

Replies (3) Good night (1035) Bad night (323)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.

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(773): I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move. http://tfl.nu/qg2k

Replies (6) Good night (888) Bad night (228)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.

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(773): Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there. http://tfl.nu/z9zi

Replies (3) Good night (376) Bad night (528)

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