I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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