how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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