she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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