Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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