okay pat passed out under dana's car
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
