How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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