Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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