I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
