I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So many bounce houses so little time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
