porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
