All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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