a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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