careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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