Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
