she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
