did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
