i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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