don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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