I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
