were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love accidental penises.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
