I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
