how can u be prego again
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
