did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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