So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
