I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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