Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
